What should you do with your ego? On one hand it provides you with the confidence and motivation to achieve things, though on the other hand it can create barriers between you and other people. Where is the point of balance?

Defining ego
The word ego can mean a lot of things, though in this article ego can be defined as “you’re sure that you’re awesome”. You have a high sense of self-worth which was borne from a period of success combined with positive self-talk.

This does not include fake egos where people put on flashy act to compensate for their low sense of self-worth. These are people who have a constant neediness for other people to validate them and tell them they’re alright. This article focuses on ego where you genuinely have a high sense of self-worth.

Ego Pros
The main benefit of having a strong ego is that it gives you boat-loads of confidence. Most areas of your life will be far better when you approach them with a high level of self-assurance. You’ll have the confidence to try new things, to talk to different people and sell your ideas with conviction.

You’ll respect yourself and be wiling to stand up when things aren’t going how you’d like them to. You aren’t afraid of asserting yourself when you’re aren’t getting what you feel you deserve and you can confront others when they behave in ways you don’t like.

You’ll generally be achievement oriented, constantly looking for ways to get ahead in life and you’ll generate opportunities for yourself. You’ll achieve a lot, be competitive at most things and you’ll probably earn more than the people around you.

If you have a likable personality (and this is a very big “if”) then people will tend to think that you’re a fun person to be around because your ego will demand that you’re the one telling the funniest jokes

Ego Cons
Unfortunately the potential downsides of a strong ego can easily exceed the upside. This downside doesn’t just affect the people who may have to suffer through your self-obsession because a strong ego can also negatively affect YOU in subtle ways.

You’ll assume that you’re better than everyone else, knowing what’s best and the correct way to do a certain task. This closed-mindedness prevents you from learning new methods and can leave you stuck in your old ways. This is not the path of growth.

You’ll blame other people when things go wrong and point it out to them, even when it was actually your own fault. This is a horrible response. Not only does this not solve anything, it also pisses everyone off including yourself.

You can take your competitive streak too far and become obsessed with winning at everything, no matter how trivial. The problem is that even when you win, you still lose because winning becomes more important than connecting with others which is what you should be focusing on, not coming first at some stupid bragging contest. Being overly competitive can easily take out the fun when spending time with others and people won’t want to be around you so much.

Too much ego tends to make you talk way too much and all that talk is about yourself and things you find interesting. This is at odds with “Talking to other people 101″ which states that you should have two-way dialogues about common interests. Self-importance makes the false assumption that the other person finds the trivial details and minor accomplishments of your life interesting when they usually don’t care. You become arrogant and loud and secretly everyone hates you and wishes that you’d just go away, which obviously affects your ability to have fulfilling relationships.

When you have too much confidence it can become unhealthy and turn into over-confidence which will eventually cause you to implode in a spectacular fashion. Over-confidence will put you in to situations where you’re way out of your depth while your ego keeps saying that you’re awesome. Soon you’ll make some truly awful mistakes which makes everyone cringe in horror, though you’ll probably be oblivious or in denial about it.

At an emotional level, thinking you’re the best just isn’t as satisfying as connecting with other people. It’s a state that feels slightly angry and quite serious. It’s a poor way to be considering the wide gamut of other emotional states you can choose to be in. Why choose to be in a state as lowly as this?

Defining ego-less
Ego-less is when you no longer think competitively and instead focus your attention on what’s positive in your current situation, in particular the people you interact with. At its heart are values like acceptance and tolerance. This isn’t the total opposite of having an ego because you still have self-respect, it just means you no longer have the desire to win all of the time.

Ego-less Pros
Ego-less feels lighter and your level of consciousness goes up. Your are more aware of what’s going on around you and your mind generally works better.

You appreciate people a lot more and you relate to them in a profoundly different way. Instead of thinking “How am I better than they are?” you think “How can I make this current interaction better?”. People react well to this and they like you being a part of their lives.

You begin to realise that you have choices in how to respond to negative stimulus from other people because your ego won’t automatically jump up to defend itself. Instead of having an angry response, you can instead let the stimulus slide and remain calm. Your natural state will be a happier one.

Ego-less Cons
So what happens when you take being ego-less too far? You run the risk of becoming a hippie.

You become too tolerant of other people bad behaviour. Your default setting of ‘acceptence’ isn’t always the best choise in some circumstances where it’s correct to be confrontational. This can put you at the mercy of stupid people and bullies.

Your lack of competitiveness can mean you loose your need to achieve. A lack of achievement may have financial consequences down the line such as being stuck in job that you no longer care about, having an income which is too low for your outgoings or making you vulnerable to loosing your job.

Because of your tolerance, you stop exercising your ability to fix problems and loose the power to change things. You may become naive and loose the ability to spot obvious problems before they happen so you fail to avoid them.

Overall
Ego and ego-less are two approach that can be run side-by-side in a complementary fashion. Your aim is to find a balance between the two so that you can enjoy the pros of both while suffering none of the cons.